Stop bottling it up

This is my rant for today, this month, this year.

I’m tired of people bottling up their emotions and not letting them out. We are not better for doing this. These emotions stay inside our bodies and manifest as something else – illness or tumors, or medical ailments.

We are not meant to keep emotions inside us. Have you ever noticed that when you don’t want to talk about things for so long, your eyes start welling up with tears during random situations? This happened to me for many years. After decades of not facing my feelings, they started overflowing at the drop of a hat. I was so embarrassed by this but didn’t know what was going on with me. It wasn’t until I was 33 years old that I learned it was due to me stuffing my emotions into an iron box inside my heart, rather than looking at them head on.

I have suffered from depression most of my life. It started when I was a teenager. Though I took medication for a few years, I decided my best course of action was to work through my stuff and ride the roller coaster of ups and downs. I didn’t like how the meds made me feel…or not feel. I couldn’t feel anger or sadness or happiness or extreme joy. I was just a straight line.

That’s not to say it’s all good feeling this way. I have a lot of days during each month that seem to be covered with a dark cloud that hovers over me every second. It is hard to get out of that mindset but I do my best. Luckily, those days end and usually I’m back to my joyful self the next day.

It’s not something that everyone understands. My poor boyfriend feels helpless when I am having one of these days, but there isn’t anything he can do to help. I know that I need to just ride it out, cry, listen to music, go for walks with my dog, and just do my best. It isn’t easy but my mentality about it all is that this day won’t last forever.

Having a therapist truly changed my perspective on working through emotions. I am now able to cry more freely and know it’s better to get it out now so I don’t have to work through it 10 years down the road. Sadly, my therapist passed away last year and it has been difficult to get to a point of trusting others enough to be completely vulnerable with them. There are a couple people in my life that I can talk to about challenges, but certainly it isn’t the same experience. She truly knew me and my deepest secrets, which allowed me to heal at a more profound level.

We need to be able to talk to one another about how we are feeling. Up until 3 years ago, I thought I HAD to be the smiling face, joyful all the time person. That people wouldn’t like me if I wasn’t. How far did that get me, though? I have had stomach problems and confidence issues and trouble getting close to anyone because I didn’t want them to see the real me. The real me ISN’T happy all the time. That was what I felt society asked of me.

Well, screw society is what I say now. It is more detrimental to my health and well-being if I pretend to be someone I’m not. And I look for deeper connections with people in my life because I know I need that to keep moving forward. I am not meant to sit and figure out my emotions on my own. NONE of us are.

You need connections, too. You need to find people you trust to talk to about your problems and your wounds. Whether that’s a friend or a therapist or a family member. It’s important. We have lost connection with so many people throughout the last 2 years. Friends and family have turned their backs on each other because of political views. And where has that led us? To people feeling less connected, more depressed, and even more alone. We are all humans and we all belong together to talk things out and enjoy life.

Please stop bottling it up inside. Find someone to talk to about your struggles. You’ll be surprised how much they can relate to you and the collective pain you will both be resolving together.

If this blog has moved you in some way and you need to talk about it. send me an email.

If you find you don't have as many friends here as you'd like, send me an email and we can talk about that. I have a wide network of people I know in the Springs that I could introduce to you, and of course, every event that I host is for people to connect with new friends. Let's keep making the world and ourselves better one day at a time.